As of this coming week

we - at last - have a door to door re-cyling service. We are the last area in our local council to receive this service.

And perfect timing looking at the sheer number of empty lager cans in my bin. Mind you, if I put that lot out for collection in the first week I fear I shall be subject to a surcharge.

Aren't teenage boys delightful? I have always said so.

Especially when trying ever so hard to talk politely to their mate's mum whilst pretending to her they are not drunk. One of D's friends had a lovely chat with me which he began with "Hello Jane! I haven't seen you for ages! How are you? You look well!" OK, the effect was slightly damaged by the enormous belch he instantly followed up with that he was unable to contain but it was a good try - and he did say "Pardon me" which I thought was nice.

I had to negotiate four sleeping bodies en-route from my bedroom to the bathroom when I woke up this morning. Not too bad really considering the distance I have to cover on that journey is as far as 14 feet. Someone was asleep up the stairs - feet on one step, head on a step some six feet higher. Oh how it reminded me of student parties in days gone by.

I surveyed the scene of devastation which was the morning after the night before and did what any clear thinking parent would do in the circumstances. I cleared off out of it leaving a note threatening dire consequences if the house wasn't straight by the time I got back. And the note might have been successful had my son actually managed to wake up before I returned at 12.45 this afternoon.......



And I am not talking about football EVER again* (until Friday when we play Bournemouth - AWAY thank god).

Away record - played 6, won 4, drew 2, lost 0, points out of a possible 18 -14 (best in league)

Home record - played 6, won 0, drew 1, lost 5, points out of a possible 18 - 1 (worst in top FIVE leagues).

It isn't even that we are playing badly - not that we could be doing worse if we WERE playing badly.

If anyone happens to know a good and reliable witch doctor to lift the voodoo which is the only rational** explanation for this state of footballing affairs please could you ask them to call 01604 757773 and press option 9 for 'Last Resort and Panic Measures'.

* I lied.

** And I use that word advisedly.