My friend P who married the millionaire (previously mentioned in this bit if you can be bothered though I wouldn't really recommend it) was on holiday in her villa in France whilst we were in Catalonia. She sent me a text from there which read - "Hi, hope you are having a nice holiday. I thought I should tell you that I don't think I will be able to take part in the village quiz this year because I am afraid I may not be able to fulfill my commitments."
I don't know where to begin with how weird that text was. For one thing why on earth was she thinking about our poxy village quiz when she was on flaming holiday? It doesn't even start till November! And as for fulfilling commitments..it means a maximum of five Friday evenings over five months. She doesn't even have a job so how can anyone be that busy? And if she doesn't want to do it, why not tell me when she saw me, it is hardly urgent. Mad.
Truly the strangest text message I have had since one expressing a wish to lick one of my female relations. (I will leave you to work that one out for yourselves ;-) )
Misunderstanding - He shuffled into the Oxfam shop. Lean, with bloodshot eyes and a salt and pepper beard, he was well wrapped up but I recognised him as the homeless man who...
15 hours ago