Monday, April 02, 2007


"Promoted again! So soon after the last time! Gosh! That is a big salary you have got there! Tremendous!"

"So, no only did your son take so naturally to playing the guitar, but he has also turned out to be an incredibly talented song writer and his group easily won Battle of the Bands, plus all the girls are fighting to go out with him! Excellent!"

"Oh, so that son of yours is incredibly motivated at school and revising really hard for his GSCE's..French verbs stuck all over the kitchen!!! Marvellous."

"Well, fancy that! Your daughter aged 11 has only been playing badminton for ten months and is already playing for the county! Super!"

"Oh I see! Their school will only take them on the very most educational trips and yes, I can quite see that they would be missing out if you did not pay for both your children to do the China trip. Brilliant!"

"Blimey! The value of your house has risen AGAIN! Oh, and so have the three flats you bought to rent in London! Wonderful!"

"Cuba this summer! All inclusive package! Yes, the hotel does look fabulous! Wow!"

"Well, I am not quite sure." (When asked if I thought my incredibly smug friends I have spent too much of the past weekend with should go for a BMW this time or an Audi it being all of twelve months since they last changed their car).

I am completely drained and have run out of words to adequately express how impressed I am by their remarkably charmed life.

My one consolation in listening to this interminable success story is that Mrs Smug has a very fat arse.


Steg said...

Mind you if had to listen to all that then I'd probably have to strangle her, so I think a little cattiness is permissible.

Messalina said...

I think you are missing the point, Steg. JJ has pointed out the interesting fact that for all Mrs Smug's blessings we would not swap our arse for hers .... which is a profound truth and not a catty comment.

Gill said...

hahahahahaha!! It reminds me of those dreadful round robin christmas letters you sometimes get. I once made up a spoof reply about our daughter's crack addiction and how I'd turned to prostitution and importing illegal immigrants in order to avoid debtors prison. In the end I didn't send it but sent the one where my husband had been awarded the nobel prize, I was poet laureate and karen was about to marry into the royal family.

JoeinVegas said...

Jane, can't you just appreciate the glory and excesses of your friends?

George Walks said...

Are you by chance now afflicted by those little face aches from too much fake smiling??

Steg said...

I stand corrected.

Barbara said...

No way! Someone else is living my life, only my arse is curvy & shapely to boot!

J.J said...

Steg - I have come close to killing them on many previous occasions.

Messalina - you know me! Catty? Moi??? Oh yes :-)

Gill, that was what it was like. And if I had got a word in edge ways then all I had to come back with was that both my sons are going to screw up their forthcoming Very Important Exams if they don't pull their fingers out like - two years ago.

Joe, I understand in some cultures my friends excessive arse would be very desirable too.

George - I have a severe case!

Steg - you stand correct ;-)

Barbara - now that is TOO much perfecetion!!!

rilly super said...

I say, that's not the Henley Smugs to whom you're referring is it darling, lovely family, absolutely lovely. Imagine them knowing someone like you, are you a friend of theirs' or the housekeeper dear?

J.J said...

Rilly - welcome! I think they think coming to see me is their equivalent of visiting the poor of the parish and bestowing gifts - in this case wine (from Waitrose of course!).

I think your blog is very funny.

rilly super said...

oh gosh, thanks ever so Mrs J

wine from waitrose!? crikey, now that's what I call noblesse oblige!