Monday, June 23, 2008

In which I honestly did get lost


Reidski was playing in a football match representing the head office for the organisation he works for against another team made up of others in his organisation and as Reidski and his fellow team members had travelled up from London to play, they were rewarded with an over night stop in a very nice Nottingham hotel - and partners were also invited. Reidski's employers are ace. I had said I would see him at the football ground where they were playing, and I honestly did set off in plenty of time armed with my directions. Unfortunately what I completely failed to spot until it was too late was that the directions were from Multi Map* - who have previous in the Getting Jane Hopelessly Lost Department.

It was raining all morning in Northampton and I have to admit the thought of standing by a football pitch in the rain wasn't ever so appealing, but I am a loyal person, and I had said I would be there so off I went northwards. It rained all the way. I got the occasional message assuring me it was not raining in Nottingham. I did not believe any of them.

With half an hour to spare before kick off I was in west Nottingham - it was raining. I was aiming for north east of the city. I followed the instructions which said 'Follow ring road in the direction of Mansfield until you reach junction with A60 and there you turn right.' I did as I was told. Although when I reached the city centre rather than the northern outskirts of the city I turned round. I got out my road map and found the right road without the piss take that was Multi Map, but then getting closer to the ground it was then necessary to refer back to the piece of fiction that was the Multi Map directions. 'At mini roundabout go straight ahead'. Simple. Except that at the mini roundabout concerned one could go left and one could go right but one could not go straight ahead. However as I was headed for the area that was signposted one way that was the route I picked. Wrong, wrong, wrong. I drove round and round going further and further wrong - and all the time it continued to rain. Anyway, no thanks to the entirely and utterly hopeless directions provided by Multi Map, when I eventually arrived at the ground (I am still not sure how I ever found it) I was not exactly surprised, although not too happy either, to find what appeared to be a completely and utterly deserted football ground.

I parked the car and wondered what to do next. I knew that I was very very late by now, but I also knew that I hadn't a clue where the hotel we were staying at was. I turned the radio off as it was getting on my (frayed) nerves. It was then that I distinctly heard some male with a Scottish accent that sounded somewhat familiar yell out the immortal words 'You stupid fucking cunt!' Hidden away behind the main stand was another pitch. I had got to the match as promised. And the rain had stopped. And five minutes after I arrived so had play.

Course, Reidski didn't believe for one minute that I had got lost. I think he thought it was somewhat fortuitous because as a general rule I am very good at NOT getting lost - so long as I never ever take any notice of sodding useless Multi Map. (Has anyone happened to notice that I don't think much of Multi Map?)

You don't want to know about how long it took us to get to the hotel, but suffice to say that there was a car load of five people, all of whom are now very familiar with the Nottingham city centre one way system, having gone round it so many times early on Saturday evening.Lisa - you very nearly received an SOS call then to come and rescue us but we were aware that as it was nearly time for Doctor Who you may not have been most delighted!

It WAS worthwhile. The hotel was one of the best I have ever stayed in. The football was great (I refer obviously to Holland v Russia ). And a group of us had a lovely Turkish meal here where the owner seemed to inexplicably take a shine to us and gave us lots of freebies including various liquors. And Reidksi and I enjoyed each other

's company ;-)

* A web site that specialises in giving crap directions. I do not advise that you go there.


Lisa Rullsenberg said...

Awh bless you! Thanks to the iPlayer, I may well have initially yelped in frustration but you would have been fine to call for rescue! I'd say if you don't call during Doctor Who you're generally okay for a response and a rescue!

On a more serious note, I know what you mean about MultiMap, whose maps defy all logic in enabling 'getting lost-ness'.

BTW who was the "stupid fucking cunt!" that the Scottish voice was yelling at, or do the not-so-innocent need to be protected?!

Yorkshire Pudding said...

Sorry darling but this post simply confirms what all we hairy and geographically conscious guys already know - that after they have ceased their endless prattle, girls simply don't know where they are going. MapQuest is brilliant by the way.

J.J said...

Lisa - he says it was either directed at himself or more worryingly, at his boss who was not excelling himself in defence.

YP - well I can't deny that I definitely didn't know where I was going that particular afternoon, Thanks for the Map Quest tip though.