I have been handed an award by Yorkshire Pudding. It seems I am a mature blogger.
Along with other recipients of this award like Muddy Boots and Mopsawho like me are pretending to themselves that they are just mere slip of girls I haven't known quite what to make of this.
I looked up 'Mature' on Google and the number one on their list is Mature Sex Pics, Free Porn. For a fleeting moment I had a glimmer of hope that therefore 'mature' equals sexy but a rather foolish click on that link soon removed that illusion. "Chubby granny fucked hard"????? Oh my god!!!! (Must remember to remove history and clear cookies before work.)
So I tried Wikipedia and they tell me "Mature can refer to the following meanings;
* Sexual maturity
* Mature is a character in the King of Fighters video game series.
* Mature 17+, a rating in the ESRB rating system"
This makes me think I must be totally past it rather than just mature as I had never heard of King of Fighters video game series, and I didn't know ESRB ratings existed, but presumably no self respecting 11 year old game player would be seen dead playing a computer game that did not have a Mature 17+ rating. But I see that 'Sexual' has come into again except that makes little sense either as who in their right mind would mistake a hormonally challenged teenager for a mature individual?
YP says to be mature you need to start every other sentence with the words '"When I was young" but I have actually deliberately blocked that line as the last thing I want to think about when talking to my kids is what I was actually up to at their age. Please god they don't behave that way too which leads neatly on to YP's stipulation that we mature bloggers pray every day. Does blaspheming count? Ah yes, and the third stipulation to qualify for this award so that we drink alcohol in moderation and to that I can firmly agree that I personify that rule for mature bloggers.
Except for last Saturday night.
Oh, and Friday.
Don't mention the Friday before that at Reidski's.
Thinking about it last night when he came up to see me was a bit on the excessive side. As was the previous Thursday.
Apart from all that I think it is totally true that I drink in moderation and therefore can accept in all good conscience, the award for Mature Blogger with a few spontaneous words....
"“ My dear colleagues, I thank you very much for this tribute to my work. I think that Reidski, and I have done the best work of our lives and I think this is in part due to our director, Yorkshire Pudding. [Audience applause.]
And I also think it's in part because we believed and we believe in what we were expressing--two out of millions who gave their lives and were prepared to sacrifice everything in the fight against fascist and racist Nazi Germany.
And I salute you, and I pay tribute to you, and I think you should be very proud that in the last few weeks you've stood firm, and you have refused to be intimidated by the threats of a small bunch of Zionist hoodlums [gasps from the audience, followed by a smattering of boos and clapping] whose behavior is an insult to the stature of Jews all over the world and their great and heroic record of struggle against fascism and oppression.
And I salute that record and I salute all of you for having stood firm and dealt a final blow against that period when Nixon and McCarthy launched a worldwide witch-hunt against those who tried to express in their lives and their work the truth that they believe in [some boos and hissing]. I salute you and I thank you and I pledge to you that I will continue to fight against anti-Semitism and fascism.
Whaddaya mean 'Too Much'????
And now I am off to buy my tickets for the new Harry Potter film.
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