Wednesday, November 28, 2007

A repeat

I promised John a story about me and Reidski at a Swinger's Party - only first we are going to have to get ourselves invited to one. In the meantime though here is one of my favourite stories of Village Folk, which I wrote about before in the Other Place.

The joys of living in a small village where everyone knows everyone else.

On Saturday night (two years ago now, ed.)there was an engagement party in the village hall which turned nasty. This kid aged about 19 announced to a married father of four that he had been 'shagging your missus' and proceeded to share with him the details of how and when it was that he was shagging his missus. Said married father of four wasn't best pleased. Said married father of four was so displeased,and his response so 'physical' that the police were summoned,and he spent the night in the cells to cool down.

On Sunday morning they let him out and he started walking back home (eight miles) but the woman who owns the village shop was driving past and stopped to offer him a lift and he, rather foolishly, told her the whole sorry tale.

It seems that every Tuesday night for the last couple of years, this bloke's wife, Angie, has gone to the 'bingo' with Michelle. But it transpires, this was not exactly 'bingo' as we know it. What it actually was was a swinger's evening, hosted by Michelle, and advertised in various top shelf contact magazines. Angie was it seems, an enthusiatic partipant, as was the 19 year old spotty youth (yuk). Michelle lives in the neighbouring village, in the middle of an estate of semi-detached houses. One can only wonder what the neighbours made of the guests as they arrived in thigh length boots, or whatever one wears for these occasions. And on a slightly bitchy note, what on earth the guests thought when they saw their hosts (think 'Sean of the Dead,' and eliminate the living characters).

Of course, everyone in the village has heard about this by now.

A shadow of suspicion has been cast upon all the females of the village who have ever gone off to 'bingo', and an entirely new meaning has been attached to the word 'bingo' if the talk in the pub last night is anything to go by.*

Maybe this explains the spring in the step of the pensioners around here?

*And we still enjoy this story down the pub to this day. Though strangely Angie's husband never seems that amused by it - sense of humour by pass or what?


Gill said...

Like most women you call a 19 year old male 'a kid' and a 'spotty youth- yuk.' whereas men would possibly think in terms of 'phwoar hot young stuff' if the situation was reversed. Mention schoolgirl's knickers to men and they go all uneccesary, mentioning schoolboy underpants just doesn't do it for women. Interesting cultural phenomenen.

John said...

"Schoolgirl's knickers"? Are you mad? I've seen schoolgirls' knickers (although that's another story). Trust me, they don't feature AT ALL in my fantasies.

Anyway, thanks for that, J.J. Do you have any stories about hard drugs? Country villages are always flooded by hard drugs, usually angel dust meant for the cattle. Tell us a story about drugs.

Nat said...

Your life is so exciting.

Swingers parties AND having to host your blog by torchlight in a secret setting.

How come I've not thought of a single interesting thing to write about in two months?

Thank you for my invite and I wait with baited breath for your tales in all their uncut glory!

Pixie said...

Yeah I don't understand why angie's husband isn't amused either.... honestly some men!!!

JoeinVegas said...

There are a few of those places here in Vegas, evidently well advertised and legal in Nevada and usually full of middle aged couples. I am sure that the two of you would be welcomed warmly if you decided to come here and attend. I'll try and dig up the site addresses for you. - oh, here you go -

greavsie said...

"And it's number 11! the back bedroom...with Mrs Johnson..."

J.J said...

Yes Gill, I hadn't thought of that like that before.

John - I did once strongly suspect I could smell cannabis if that counts???

Oh Nat - hi sweetie! Oh yes, it is all go in this sleepy hollow I call home - unlike Australia where you get to have a life!

Pixie - what are these grumpy men like eh?

Joe - appreciated mate!

Greavsie - but what poor sod gets the 2 fat ladies?

The Fatalist said...

Reminds me of one of my mates behind the goal at Champion Hill, a good few years ago. He spent a lot of his summer evenings leaving home with his bat & pads, & going off to 'cricket practice' at least twice a week. He had a lot of fun with his 'sticky wicket'!

The Fatalist said...

As as for schoolboys underpants...well as long as they're over sixteen...phwoar!!!!

J.J said...

Fatalist - you are a Very Naughty Boy!!!!

And I like you, as Dick Emery who you are far too young to remember used to say.