Monday, March 16, 2009

Joys of Parenthood

My daughter loves ‘Dancing on Ice’. It is the highlight of her week. That same statement is also true of my niece E who is nearly 12, and my daughter’s best friend.

For those of you fortunate enough not to have this programme impinge upon your consciousness I should explain that it is a direct rip off of the wonderful Strictly Come Dancing (yes, I too have my television watching weakness) expect that in this case the ‘celebrities’ learn to dance (clue in the title folks) on ice.

The programme is on Sunday evening – first all the surviving skaters from the previous week dance – then the viewing public get to vote for their favourite – and then later the two pairs of skaters who have the lowest number of votes compete in the ‘Skate off’. Thus far, thus very familiar to any viewer of SCD.

Now it has not been all bad – had it not been for H’s obsession I would never have seen Todd Carty’s hilarious performance to ‘Help!’ (Now available once again on You Tube in spite of ITV’s best efforts to block it) But that apart words that spring to my mind include dire, dull, boring, get the picture. The skaters are supposed to be celebrities, but apart from Todd Carty the only one I had ever heard of was Coleen Nolan – and that I guess pretty much sums up the standard of what passes for celebrity these days. (Reidski tells me that one of them was a former rugby league player.) H and my niece who always watch the programme together have strictly forbidden any of the rest of us to open our mouths to comment during their beloved programme. Any hint of criticism or negativity risks tears or a tantrum or both so we have learnt that discretion is the better part of smart wise cracks and we keep quiet.

I should perhaps explain that on Sunday evenings I always have my sister and niece over for dinner – along with various other family members.

And so to yesterday and (at last) the whole point of this post. For many weeks I have been exercising the skill of parental selective hearing. Teenagers are obviously the world leaders in selective hearing as in never hearing lines like ‘Please tidy your room’, but hearing the juicy bit of gossip you definitely don’t want them to hear even when whispered the other side of a ten foot brick wall from them. However, I have been a past master at the skill every time H or E has exclaimed about how desperate they are to see Dancing on Ice – Live. I have not given one tiny indication that I have heard any such wish. Dancing on Ice – Live would be without doubt My Idea of Hell.

So imagine my horror when the following scenario worked its way out last night:

1. H wants to vote for Ray but misses the advertised phone number so she goes on the website to find it.
2. Whilst on the website she comments once more upon how very, very, very much she, her friend C and E want to see Dancing On Ice – Live – and how the show is in Birmingham on E’s birthday.
3. My sister asks how much tickets are.
4. Five minutes later H is on the verge of pressing the button to confirm 4 tickets at a total price of £174.50 (FF'sS!)for her, her friend (who is almost part of our family anyway), E and my sister.
5. One second after that my sister is declaring most firmly that she is NOT taking them on her own.
6. Two minutes after that, with five and not four tickets purchased, I am drinking a remedial brandy as the terrible truth sinks in. I am going to see Dancing on Ice – Live.

What did I ever do in a past life to deserve this?


Gill said...

oh the sacrifices we have to make in the name of motherhood, cheer up, it can't be as bad as Care Bears the movie!

Karen said...

I don't remember Care Bears movie - surely it was Duck Tails the Movie?

Tough luck JJ, that would be torture for me too!

Anonymous said...

I 'had to' take B to see the Spice Girls, which was great, and Bewitched, which wasn't so great, because of the dire support acts, which included Skooch ... Gladiators was OK, but any live event subsequently televised has its longeurs ... good luck with that!


Moo said...

Oh you'll have fun really!!

Back in your neck of the woods 3 - 5th April...will email you details xxxx

Fire Byrd said...

You should worry I had to contend with taking my eldest on a tour of Manchester United football ground when he was 7 and a footie fan for about a week.......

J.J said...

Gill - I hope to god it can't be THAT bad!

Karen - You have clearly blanked the horror that was the Care Bears movie from your mind.

Messalina - I did see the Spice Girls movie - god that was SO awful!

Moo - yes, please let me know :-)

Fire Byrd - You won't be surprised to hear I've done that too, and I suspect I enjoyed it rather more than you would have done!

Gill said...

care bears, ducks, barney the purple dinosaur: they all merge into one hideous creature!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Flipping heck, the joys of having kids. But anything live is of course the real thing if you know what I mean. (Everything in my grand daughters life revolves round High School Musical And I mean everything.)

J.J said...

I hardly dare check out your blog Gill in case your creative imagination decides to run with that terrible image!

Oh dear Ken - I very much fear High School Muscial Live could be the next thing my niece will desperately want to see. I am not going. I am not going. I am NOT!!!

Lisa Rullsenberg said...

Empathy! Though personally I would take HSM over ineptness on ice any day... (though the thought of some severed limbs of non-entity celebrities may keep me amused at the latter...)

J.J said...

Lisa - the very thought of severed celebrity limbs has quite cheered me up! I thank you.