Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Bring back the birch

WELL! For the past few weeks I have been in a bit of a 'I have nothing to blog about' phase. Not that that has stopped me or anything but tonight I know exactly what I am going to blog about, but I should warn you it is not going to be pretty involving as it does crime most foul, and that as a result of the foul crime I am not going to be pretty either.

Lunchtime today I get a call from a colleague - did I know about my car? There are certain things I know about my car including make and model (1997 Ford Mondeo), colour (blue) and registration plate (well, almost know that anyway). What I did NOT know about my car was that it was without an intact passenger side window. Some one had put it through in broad daylight. I was absolutely stunned. Looking at the mess it was obvious they hadn't just smashed the window, but had made a definite effort to break in as the window frame itself was damaged. I just couldn't for the life of me think what the hell there was in my car anyone would have wanted to nick - no CD player, no phone, my hand bag was with me. My mind was blanker than usual which is seriously blank. Had anything at all been stolen?

I reported the incident to the police knowing it wouldn't rank with their number one priority in the area, but needing a crime number for my insurance. To my complete astonishment they asked me if I required the services of Victim Support...for a broken car window! Anyway, at that stage I was somewhat dismissive of the level of trauma I had experienced. It was only later whilst waiting for the window to be mended that I realised I had in fact been robbed. THAT was when I needed Victim Support. They had stolen my flaming make up. Who the bloody hell needs to break into a car to steal someone's make up? Have I become another victim of the transvestite crimewave sweeping the Midland's?

Anyway - what a total disaster. When I added up what I must have spent over the years on my make up I realised I was going to be seriously out of pocket as my car insurance cover won't come close to the value of the stuff lost but that fact pales into insignificance compared to the immediate problem .

I know men always claim to favour the 'natural look', but that is only because men are blissfully unaware of how much make up goes into achieving the 'natural look'. I shall be scaring children and old ladies if I go out looking 'natural' first thing tomorrow morning. I shall scare myself if I pass a mirror. Reidski will realise how old I really am and will run for the hills.

Maybe there is something to be said for the hijab after all?
Me tomorrow morning -

P.S. Now I look at that photo more closely I need to clarify that that will be me tomorrow morning - only without the nice eye make up that woman is wearing. HUH!


crisiswhatcrisis said...

Mate! Bastards. Nightmare.

*big long distance hug*

(with eyes shut obviously, so as not to scare myself at your appearance)

Nat said...

How soul destroyingly awful. A few weeks ago omeone stole my free mascara and juicy tubes from my bag at work and I was DEVASTATED.

My condolences to you in this obviously traumatic time...


Moo said...

one word...barstards!!

how ever will you manage?!

greavsie said...

Wear a paper bag?

Nick someone elses make-up?

SimonHolyHoses said...

One of my colleagues had similar experiences in regard to a phone in his car.

He said he couldn't believe the mess and the inconvenience it caused.

There really are some selfish and thoughtless gits out there.

Gill said...

When the miscreant is detected send him along to join the church of the Divine Universal Ladyboy. But he needs to provide his own panties and pointy shoes.

Commiserations though, someone broke into out house on boxing day (you would think criminals would take a bank holiday like everyone else) and stole my engagement ring which hasn't fitted me for about 20 years and my daughter's baby bracelet- worth about £4.50 at Elizabeth Duke (the designer name in bling!!) I was upsetting to say the least but didn't hit me at first.

Gill said...

Hah, I know who did it now! You have to see my blog.

George Walks said...

Commiserations. Someone had an attempt on mine whilst I was away camping. You know, for the roll-mat! Fortunately I just have a bust passenger's side lock now, but I was pissed off!

Spunky Trunks said...

Wait a minute! Why are we assuming the theft was perpetrated by a male?

All the evidence points to it being a female. Look at the evidence:

1) The break in was to obtain make up
2) The person in question was not very good with cars leading to window frame damage
3) A transvestite car robber is too conspicuous
4) Only a woman would have the gall to rob a car of make up in broad daylight. A man or boy would be ashamed.

In the words of Blue. I rest my case!

JoeinVegas said...

Oh yes, why blame a transvestite? Sounds like some strong prejudices there Jane. Maybe it was just a hungry ostrich that likes the flavor of your lip gloss?

Make Up Thief said...

Arise women of England from your chains! Take off your cosmetic masks and bare your faces to the world! I am the Liberator! I stalk the land looking for opportunities to relieve our fair damsels of their devilish make-up bags - the evil painted means by which they hide their true selves! Yesterday Northampton - tomorrow the World - well Corby!

I have done you one helluva favour!
Mr Lippy

Gill said...

Hey Mr Lippy! Want to join the church of the universal ladyboy as an acolyte? Bring your own frock and pointy shoes.

Gill said...

and it MUST have been done by a man, no woman shares make up with someone she is not intimate with!

Gill said...

and she would have had HER OWN makeup.

Hel Fire said...

i feel for you! i have learned in recent years how much of a confidence boost makeup is and i don't think men realise how much makeup a lot of women actually wear. i hope you manage to replace or recover your collection!

J.J said...

Cheers Crisis - good move to shut eyes!

Nat - Hiya - where you been??? Yes, nightmare!

Moo, I lasted twenty four hours - then I spent the insurance money in advance of actually receiving it.

Greavsie, the paper bag did nothing for me - or I did nothing for it - one of the two.

Simon, it is a total pain in the backside. My sympathy to your colleague.

Gill, they are bastards aren't they? Like they would get anything for a baby bracelet - but I bet it meant so much to you and your daughter. and thanks for the Whodunnit answer ;-)

George, it is such a bloody inconvenience - and expense.

ST - no sexist bias here I equally hate and loathe him or her!

Joe,some of my best friends are etc etc. But I confess I hadn't thought of the ostrich possibility........

Make up thief - PLEASE don't robthe women of Corby - some of them look rough enough as it is, but don't tell them it was me who said that cos they are a bit hard as well.

Gill, good point - we do not share our make up.

Thank you Hel Fire, welcome over here, and yes, emergency shopping has been completed - phew!