Sunday, April 06, 2008

In which I have my legs waxed.

So anyway, I am having my legs waxed. The woman applying the wax is a friend who lives and waxes in my village, and so we chat away. I ask if she has seen a mutual friend of ours called Jack recently. "Oh!" she says, "He has been really poorly recently!"

So I do the appropriate amount of 'Oh dears!' and enquire as to what was the cause of his illness, and she explains and says he is now on the mend but that he will unfortunately not be able to take part in the Parish Marathon.

"Blimey!" thinks I. "I know I don't get out and about in the village so much these days, but I didn't even realise there was going to be a Parish Marathon." However, I don't want to admit to the level of my ignorance so I go along with the conversation and say what a shame it is that he will miss the marathon. "Yes" continues my friend as she slaps on the wax, "And there were so many people coming along to watch him. Some were driving, some were going on the train and others were flying." "Flying to watch Jack in the marathon?" I ask whilst wondering where the bloody hell they were intending to fly to. We don't exactly live near any major airport - although we are handily placed for the M1. "Oh yes," says she as she whips a load of leg hair off my right calf and I cry out in agony. "But they have all decided to go anyway and will make a weekend of it." "Well", says I - now struggling to prolong the conversation about the Parish Marathon - "I hope they can find enough to entertain themselves over an entire weekend, marathon apart." "Oh" she says, "I'm sure they will. I have never been to Paris myself, but I'm sure there is plenty to keep them occupied for a couple of days."

I nod wisely and say I expect there probably is.

"Bikini line?" she asks.

"Pass" says I.

7 comments:

Dandelion said...

Hearing checked? I was thinking she had a speech impediment.

The Fatalist said...

The phrase Village idiot comes to mind. Though I'm not sure if that's the waxer, or you, for being crazy enough to go through the pain of waxing!

J.J said...

Dandelion, I like the way that interpretation makes me look rather less of a prat!

Fatalist - I'm hard I am!

Gill said...

my god what about the air miles! Surely it would be better for the environment if he did just run around the parish.and does the waxer know him because he gets his legs waxed in order to run faster?

J.J said...

Gill, I could probably get a Parish Marathon off the ground - amongst hard of hearing runners at least.

JoeInVegas said...

No Brazilian for you this Spring? Maybe when it gets warmer, you have to be ready for those French beaches.

Justine Cricks said...

Haha, well, it sounds like you had an amusing time having your legs waxed. It's nice to chat for a bit during moments like that, right? Chatting is a pretty helpful source of distraction, though it would have been a bit awkward if you went through a bikini wax.