Lunchtime today found me having a pedicure from a woman in the village who does 'these things'. I'm sure you all wanted to know that but bear with me as it is a relevant detail as to 'What happened next?'
I had my toe nails painted - a very nice shade of dark pink, but then...disaster I realised I had not brought open toed shoes to go back in. We were talking smudged nail varnish scenario...the horror. However, L who was the lucky lucky woman who got to do my feet (more horror- sorry) had heard that if you put cling film over your toes, it will protect nail varnish from getting smudged when you put your shoes on. As she said, when I got to where I was going I could remove the cling film from my feet and no one would ever be any the wiser. And so it came to pass that my feet were wrapped in cling film and I put my shoes on and got in my car.
What I then had to do was reverse out of her drive way. I would like to say it is a very narrow and awkward drive to reverse out off but that would be a lie. It is very wide and should be dead easy to reverse out of. However, as I pulled out, whilst simulataneously waving at a group of teenagers I knew, I sort of managed to go over a grass verge and hit something solid. Felt a little foolish, but shrugged and grinned and put my car into first gear to go forwards. There was a nasty and loud noise, my wheels went round and round in gravel...but they did not move in a forward direction. I am now being watched.
I try going backwards again...no joy. I try going forwards again..still no joy. I get out and try to see what I have knocked but I couldn't see anything in the long grass. L came out and she couldn't see anything either. She fetches help of the male variety and four neighbours turn up to see what can be done to free my car. One tells me I am stuck on a tree stump. I stand hopelessly by the back wheel as they lie on the ground seeing what can be done about my stuck car. I feel very foolish and there is now quite a crowd of on-lookers who were 'just passing' making suggestions. Eventually a piece of wood is shoved under my front wheels which enable me to drive forward and escape with only minimal damage to my car which has seen and sustained worse. There is a loud cheer from the assembled crowd. I get out the car to thank everyone and they say not to mention it but ....'Why have you got cling film on your feet?'
Stirred - Mistress Putin rose early but this Yorkshire Putin rolled over and went back to sleep. Soon I entered a bad dream. I was in a school that was composed of ...
20 hours ago