OK – well he really didn’t want to be there. Originally I had bought two tickets for this gig for me to take my daughter and we should have gone in March. However, Lady G then rearranged some tour dates including ours, and the new date clashed with a 16th birthday party for one of my daughter’s very best friends. Agonising was agonised over, and she eventually came down on the side of the party. I call in the First Reserve, one Reidksi, very occasional blogger of London Town. He wasn’t wildly keen but after I promised him various sexual favours (and when that failed offered alcohol) he agreed to make the trip to Sheffield last Friday to see the pop phenomenon known variously as Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta, or Lady GaGa for commercial purposes.
The crowd was somewhat mixed. Most importantly for me, I wasn’t the oldest there, and most importantly for him, he wasn’t the only straight man. There was a range of GaGa style alikes from the “Wow! She/he looks amazing!” – to the “OHMYGOODGOD – WHAT DOES SHE* THINK SHE LOOKS LIKE!!!!” kind of range.
(*Unfortunately when men do GaGa they seemed to get away with it, whilst the female of the species sometimes falls somewhat short.)
There were also quite a few kids looking no older than 10 who were along with their parents. Know I DO know what some of those parents had to say after the support band had been and (thankfully) gone because I was in the toilet queue later with some of them but exactly how I am going to relate the performance that was Semi Precious Weapons I’m really not too sure.
“ Semi Precious Weapons? Are they a boy band?” asked Reidski. I had no idea but it transpired that A Boy Band They Are Not.
“Is that Lady GaGa?” was Reidksi’s next question when the band appeared to the sound of booming base and the sight of a guitarist performing backward summersaults on the stage plus a six foot something blonde in massively high heels and a dress that scarcely covered her arse. No. On closer inspection the six foot something blonde in massively high heels and a dress that scarcely covered her arse turned out to be a he, not a she. And that would have been fine, had he demonstrated just a modicum of talent. Instead he chose to demonstrate that he wasn’t wearing anything under his dress...and the sight thus revealed did not demonstrate much talent I can tell you. He also chose to address us incessantly as a bunch of mother fuckers, although to be fair I think he was using the term in its loving and caring sense. (?) And he also learnt that the only way he was ever going to get a cheer that evening (being as how the band were so utterly and quite jaw droppingly shite) was to keep yelling out how we would soon be seeing “LAID - EEE - FUCK – KING – GA – GA!!!!” Guaranteed a cheer every time (even after the 150th yelling of “LAID - EEE - FUCK – KING – GA – GA!!!!”)
I can’t even start to describe just how bad Semi Precious Weapons actually were, but they describe themselves thus: “ We play our own "Filthy Glamour" brand of rock music and espouse a "Dirty Showbiz" philosophy.”
That apparently includes stripping stark bollock naked on stage.
As I mentioned before I do know what the parents of some of the younger children thought of this particular band and let’s just say the answer is along the lines of ‘Not Much.’
And so I turn in relief to the main event.
When I first started to become aware of Lady Gaga (through the tabloids, not through her music) I was quite sure that she was of no more interest than Kerry Katona. This view prevailed until I caught her performance at Glastonbury where she came on stage at 6.30 and produced what this article described as the best Glastonbury performance of a decade. I was sold.
So its probably true to say that I was expecting more from the evening than Reidksi was, but I still wasn’t expecting what we got which was over two hours of spectacular, ludicrous, fabulous, camp, burlesque, art house pop at its best performed by a young woman of only 24 with quite incredible charisma. Someone else described the set as a cross between The Wanderers and The Wizard of Oz and that is as good a description as you might get of something that encompassed a piano on fire, harps, a subway train and a smashed up Rolls Royce, fountains of blood, green vomit and a giant (fame) monster. As for her costumes....
The other thing is that there was no lip synching, her voice is amazing and when you learn afterwards that she has been playing the piano since she was 4 then that explains how bloody good she is at that too. She talks a lot too, and if it had gone on much longer I would have come away truly believing she loved me as much as she kept telling me she did.
And what of Reidski? Did he remain coolly aloof from all this nonsense? Not at all. He loved it too. And to her rather plaintive question to the audience as to whether or not we thought she was sexy his answer was an unequivocal ‘Yes’.
Wow! What an amazing response by over a thousand schools all falling over themselves to apply for Academy Status.
Even more remarkable given that the letters from Michael Gove didn't go out until Wednesday 26th May, therefore if posted first class arriving on Thursday, which was precisely one whole day before schools across the country broke up for half term.
Now, as a school governor I can't help but think that if we were invited to apply for Academy Status we would (call me old fashioned) discuss it as governors first. Are we to believe that so many schools not only managed to convene a governor's meeting that took place either Thursday or Friday last week (most of us are quite busty* people you know - some notice is usually appreciated)and still leave enough time to reach the major decision to apply - not to mention making the application itself?
Well in answer to your question I am right here - but have been suffering from a severe case of Bloggers Block. NOT that that is any excuse for not writing anything here so in no particular order here's a little round up of recent events.
1. Can not fucking believe it. This time last year I was immersed in a profound and prolonged sulk that the Cobblers were now in the same division as Dagenham and Bloody Redbridge. Well now we're not. Owing to the fact that Dagenham and Bloody Redbridge have gone up and we haven't. How rubbish (how cobblers) is that?
2. Also could not fucking believe it when lightning - that is not supposed to strike twice - struck twice. I related some time ago, whether it was here or in the other place I can't quite be bothered to check that out, that I had my car broken into and my make up got stolen. That resulted in the embarrassment of having to relate to my insurers just how much I spend on the old slap. Ever since then I have meticulously hidden everything out of sight in my car when I leave it. Much good did it do me. A couple of weeks ago Reidski and I had a drink in town and left the car for less than an hour, to return to find a smashed window, a ransacked inside of a car, and a missing make up bag. I have a lead to my radio that allows me to play my i-pod in the car. The other end of the lead had slipped down by the side of a seat and I think that what ever low life did this, thought (do they actually think these people?) there was an i-pod on the end of the lead. There was not. All they took was my make up bag so I have had to suffer the increased embarrassment of making a further claim from my insurers. That experience was not enhanced by hearing the tone of utter disbelief in the voice of the woman I spoke to when I gave her a rough estimate of the replacement value of the stuff I had lost. She clearly thought I was trying to pull a fast one. Bobbi Brown does not come cheap you know!
I've lost a stone since Christmas people - mainly through exercising. Feel much better for it and no longer have to breathe in to get my jeans on, but the reason I am mentioning it here is that apart from Reidski and a woman I see at the gym absolutely NO ONE has noticed!!! What I need to know though is - does this mean I am condemned to a minimum of four hours on the spinning bike every week for the rest of my life because that is how I've lost the weight, and I don't want it going back on again. Four bloody hours every week!!!??? What a prospect to look forward to.
As for politics....what on earth can one say?
Sadly David Laws life's goal to put people on the dole has been thwarted. Luckily there are no shortage of inexperienced MP's to give that role to and welcome to this weeks Chief Secretary to the Treasury Danny Alexander. Five years ago our Dan was Press Secretary for the Cairngorn Mountain Park. Today he is Chief Job Slasher. He joins Gideon, our Chancellor of the Exchequer who as this article points out also has no economic experience whatsoever. "This is as opportune a moment as any to run through George Osborne's economic experience in full: he doesn't have any. And to enumerate the number of jobs he's had in business/the City/finance: none. And his relevant educational qualifications? Zero."
But that's all OK anyway because all Danny and Gideon have to understand is 'Private Sector = Good, Public Sector = Bad.' Personally I am simply delighted to have the opportunity of (at best) a wage freeze for the next two years as my part towards sorting out the mess made by - umm - the banks (part of the private sector as I seem to recall).
Oh and can I just say in passing that Liberal Democrats are a bunch of power grabbing unscrupulous bastards?
Thank you for that opportunity.
Funny that I seem to recall someone (Nick Clegg now I come to think about it) saying that a vote for Labour risked putting the Tories in. I'd be laughing like a drain if I was one of the idiots who actually fell for that one. Anyway - that comment was no doubt was SO last month.
And I'll just end by telling you this - as no way will HE tell you himself.
Reidski and I are seeing Lady GaGa on Friday!
OK - the ticket wasn't for him in the first place but it came available and he's just overjoyed about that as you may imagine. Still - a weekend in Sheffield beckons for us and we will have fun, fun, fun.
Formerly known as Just Jane, but with a blog move carried out in haste I managed to end up with a blog nickname I hate..J bloody J. Oh well, too late to do anything about it now. Call me what you will. So apart from a stupid title I have three off spring, one very special bloke, lots of friends, a great family, a job I love and a rubbish football team who I love too. I also have a tendency to go on abit.....you have been warned.